Updates updates

So what's up? A lot - let me tell you that!
Mikael is growing up splendidly. Drank from his sippy cup on his own today <3.
I also started yesterday a blog for my kittycats (in finnish at the time though!).
We also having two kitties coming :) Finally my boys get to play with their full heart.
I have training at work/practical training starting next week and I have NO PLACE. Why? Well remember where I worked?
Yep. That place. My boss contacted me this morning and said my contract has been cut off. No reason given. I suspect it might be either because I'm ill, or that I was off because my son has been really ill. It cannot be that I sucked so bad? I was getting better and better each day, and I had pretty nice shifts. Maybe because the boss didn't like me?
Whatever the thing is, I am do not absolutely care now. The place had very ugh... air in there. Many people quit their job there because they had fights and god knows what. Some people couldn't get any work. Or was the reason, that I needed do the training? Even based on that - any reason given is lame.
I mean, don't you think I deserve some sort of explanation, other than? "I don't need to give you an explanation." like HUH! And no thanks for working or so. Just mere, bye - go away.
Sorta ate off my self esteem, but I heard the place in the end had a very bad reputation. And it most likely will have it until forever. I don't know. I'm simply just fed up on that.
Thankfully getting fired do not mean problems with income, and as soon as I'm again fully charged, I will start looking for a new job. I am not letting one "who-cares-I'm-never-around-good-for-nothing-empty-promise-giving" bloke put me down.
And anyway, I've been interested working in fair centre and pet stores more these days, than in some good ol' fastfood place.
Btw, I have tomorrow a horror movie night :) Expecting awesome day that is!


Is this year really so bad?

...or am I just dreaming? First my parents divorced, and my beloved son has been ill a lot. My computer broke, and my laptop is just utter rubbish. And now this...

I'm 22 years old, been fighting with my diabetes almost the entire life. I had a darling son, which doctors told to get rid off, since it will be malformed and most likely not live outside the womb (well, quite opposite happened!) - and now, the news arrived. I developed bad kidney condition while pregnant, which lead to pre-term delivery, due my own body breaking up. I couldn't take it anymore, I was dying (and felt like it.) and yet clinging on the small parts left of it, begging to be there for my son. And the news? The kidney condition itself vanished, but I'm now on the early stage of it (which will lead getting it back, and I am unsure will I get it to stay the same and not develope any further.) and I most likely will NOT get another child, since it would damage the already slightly damaged kidneys. And I feel SAD! No, I don't fear dying, it's natural - I'm more sad, that I might not be able to have another child. It hurts. But I guess that is, how it feels for everyone, who hears similar news, huh?

On the other news: My school decided as well, that reading to become a travel agent isn't in long run good deal. I need to be able to get employed easily, and not wait for the bluemoon and then re-study. I will be doing degree in Business now. So it's about 2 years more of studying.

Well, gotta run now. I have to go to work. Sorry of my stupid words, no one even wants to get them.


It has begun....

...the quest on making my own prop and costume for next years convention!
and where do we start? of course the prop!

Out of all, it seems the prop might need the most of the time available to be done. Why?
Well because of my son of course. I rather do not give up on spending time with him while
crafting myself a prop. And what is this prop?
A bow. And I'm going for as realistic look as possible, which means handcarving and
wood bending. I've been reading a lot about this subject lately and been practicing with
popsicle sticks. It should come out alright, I hope. I rather want wooden one, than
plastic, since once the outfit retires the bow can be reused in other costumes 
(like in a medieval faire), and my son can use it as a toy when he grows up. Naturally 
I would be crafting also dull arrows, that cannot hurt anyone. I'm so excited about
this project.


Should I run, Should I hide...

...Should I stay by your side, cosplaying your biggest nightmare.

I saw entire night dreams about cosplaying, this has to be a bad bad deal. But the con went by, even though it wasn't the best one out there, it was still worth of visit. Though there was major case of organising problems and problems with maps. BAD BAD MAPS.

I bought Matenrou Opera's Anomie Album. Made my day.
Anime and Jrock is serious business.


Emily Bindiger - Everytime You Kissed Me


Harry Potter and the Deadly Hallows part 2

Went to see the movie yesterday, and I have to say - it was AWESOME. Even though there was some stuff, I didn't quite agree on - and some parts where really REALLY left out (a.k.a Remus and Tonks Son, as well as Bill's and Fleur's daughter), and some scenes just didn't hit. Put in overall, it was awesome and worth of seeing.

This weekend, it's Animecon time! Haven't been in cons for a while (due being busy and being pregnant last year.) and I've been thinking of DIY lolita costume for this year, possibly.

I have two dresses I could use - one would be from Rakuen's own line and one would be done by combining objects together (and yes, Kiku - I've been thinking of using the ANIMAL. Animal is nickname for my long - quite cheesy-ish blonde wig.)

I have grown to love (once again) Ice cream latte's. Particularly with vanilla and mint chocolate flavours.

I'll be adding to my recipe blog soon, how I do them.

Here is some music
Tomoyo Mitani - Liar's Smile 


Major case of laughing my ass off

..and rolling on the floor, while having problems to breathe.

Here is the thing - and I am NOT EVEN KIDDING about this.

I bought with my boyfriend a dryer for us two days ago, with a good deal to help out with the home chores, and so - that I would have more time to spend with my child and have even some free-time during my day. Well guess what?

My boyfriend told his parents about this, and that he will be paying back (and gave the reasons mentioned above.) - and the return e-mail was hilarious.

Not only we apparently made a stupid mistake buying this "Luxury item" - we also have to return it and get our money back. I put most of my own money into it, and some of the money they gave us to go on running costs, such as food and so (like it had already went.) and we had been talking a long time about getting the dryer, ad my parents had been pestering me to get it. Not only I suffered from full laundry baskets, since my son is EXTREMELY prone to throw up, I also had no time to keep washing. In fact, I could only wash out a ONE FULL WASH of clother per day, since drying the clothing took day, if not best cases TWO - if I decided to dry them outside. And I have two cats, who shed. And you can add this combination as = clean, FUR COVERED clothing, that I was cleaning with long teeth for hours to get to look even partially decent to go out with (and then realise it won't work.). Also my cats love the horses, they also love to pull them down. You know, cats, right?

Also added to my daily schedule - that is filled with cleaning, having a dryer seems like a good deal. I get laundry done while cleaning, just fill them up, and fold off the washed ones. End result? Laundry day once a week. To me? HEAVEN ON EARTH.

But even so, they are still determined that we should return it and get the money back, since apparently I'm supposed to be a home-maker and life in front of the stove.

I SAY, FORGET IT! Dryer stays.


Last Potter!!

...It is here,  it is coming....

We get the premiere in my country on 13th of July, and guess what.


I am major case of potterholic, yes, I can state and say that out loud. And my dream? See the last potter, the first show IN A CINEMA. I'm so excited. I might weep soon.

Anyhow, here is few Songs again
Eric Saade - Masquerade
Getter Jaani - Rockefeller Street
Pate Mustajärvi - Ukkometso


What is the purpose of all?

..if it all comes out flat, leading you in the ground, hitting the floor and crying out loud?

My entire today has been horrible, one of the horrible ones, in a while. The problem has been with money, and the fact that I got sudden bad decrease in income, which basically throws off bad way. 

Funniest thing is, that ever since, I became a mother, I usually started to think - if this happen, it has to make me a bad mother or that what my beloved son, will think of me, if he sees my world shake under my feet, and despite all my efforts - I broke up crying?

I have had some hard time lately, which I rarely, true, speak to anyone. In a way, I feel, that if I speak, everyone will point at me, laugh and say "You are so pathetic, stop complaining." I think, in a way, that's because of my past experiences with bullying. I've been put down, my whole life - and yet, I've fought hard to stand on my both feet. I fall down, and I pull myself back up - even when most of the times, I feel like - why to bother anymore?

I know, I've come a long way - from the person, I was before. I was never exactly a happy kid. I'm the eldest of two, but have felt, ever since my sister was born - that I've been raised in her shadow. When I was the horrible, miss behaving kid, she was the angel and perfect child. I know, I did rebel a lot - I have yelled, screamed and called my own parents and sister by horrible names (and got it equally back as well.). No one really understood what was going on, and I was send to see a psychiatrist, who even these days are puzzled - why do I need one? All they see, is completely sane young girl, who just had very rough life - that has left a big affect on her. True, there was also autism and ADHD, not to mention PTSD.

Is there stuff I regret? A lot. There is actually many things, I wish I wouldn't remember. Many feelings, I wish I wouldn't had felt. Some feelings, I cannot even feel. Why? I was abused as a child, mentally. And the imprint of that... I don't even want to think about it. 

I keep a lot inside of me, and I have bad problems on opening up. I know, that it beats me hard. In the end, I know, I end up crying in my bed - asking "Why me? Why am I still alive? What am I doing wrong, that everyone hates me?". I never get answer, and I don't think my friends really understand - how much I go through. I've had quite many depressive episodes, really bad ones too - mainly caused, because I'm diabetic. You would think, pathetic isn't she?

Think again. I got this illness, by not asking it. My body failed, and started acting against itself. I live, by injecting stuff on myself. I don't like it, it feels horrible. And that simple little thing, seems to run my entire life. How many times, I've heard "you can't have this and this, unless you get all in order?" - well, I've asked for help, extremely lately, and get shoved down to throat. Then I come home, and end up crying in the floor, since I feel like dying, and I don't want to. Not yet. I have my son, I want to be there for him.

Basically - I'm juggling with two thoughts. On the other hand, I wish I would die - but on the other - I want to live, and be there for my son. That one, do always win, and I usually hit myself to head couple of times, reminding not to be selfish. It is others, before yourself, right?

And now, I've been rambling off, from the topic I meant, but the money issue seems to be solving. Hopefully. I just wish, my own mood would become slightly better. It is, what I wish for now anyway. If it gets better, all should be fine, huh? Or am I fooling myself now?

Today's Song


New Graphic Tablet!

Hallelujah I say!
I ordered last september pen to my WACOM Volito2, and unfortunately that did fail. First I had to wait until DECEMBER, that the pen would finally arrive, and then they SOLD IT on, before I managed to go and get it. And I can tell you, that did piss me off. In all fairness, bad service! And thus, I won't be using them again, unless I honestly have to.

So week ago, on Sunday I decided, that heck I need the new tablet, thus I bought it online. And needless to say, it arrived here on time, and it was brought behind my very on door. So what tablet, when and what?

WACOM BAMBOO FUN PEN & TOUCH! Now everyone rejoice. I finally get to work bit faster. I don't hate drawing with mouse, but having a pen helps a lot. Extremely since, I do need a new scanner. Hah hah, for that. I would also need a printer. But we see what I am able to do. Just to celebrate my new Tablet, here is what I did last night in one hour:
My friend requested, that I would draw her fursona-self a long time ago, and that version failed miserably. Now couple of months afterwards, this is the new result. It is currently under "WIP" status, but I will update, as soon as it's getting finished. I just love my tablet.

I had a friend over from friday to saturday, and another came by on quick visit on saturday. It seems, that after having a child, people seem to come here more frequently. I do find it funny, but my son is so adorable. 

Also on friday (I think it was friday) - I was discussing with my friends, that why on earth some of the commercial baby foods in here, are basically like pure liquid?

True, I understand, that them might be easier to swallow and all - but I have a son, who has bad habit to spit it out and throw up, if the food is way too much like liquid. But the food was purely like pureed soup, and I don't think that's normal?
Only thing this taught me, was to stick to two Swedish Brands: Semper and HiPP. My son loves the both, and them actually taste like real food (I have bad habit to eat baby food myself as well, and I'm very picky with taste. I think, this might have something to do with my cook background.). Both them are quite thick in texture, and easier for my son to eat. 

But I am now thanking my friend Kiku, for the fact, that thanks to her - I was able to get Moccamaster. Kiku, you rock! And Mikael loves his CD. 
And big thanks to Kati! Pok√©mon cubes rock, and Mikael needs them. Now Mikael is on his way to become AnimeOtaku, who enjoys Pop and Metal. And RAP. Where on earth that comes from? My son is musical. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. 

Today's cool stuff: DIY stuff. 

Need arm warmers? 
Cut off the "foot" part from the socks, that you would otherwise throw to a bin. At least you can celebrate of having UNIQUE ones.
TIP: Do you play an instrument, draw, write or otherwise use your hands a lot? Are you getting tendonities way too easily? Arm warmers are quite good aid in preventing tendonitis. Tried and proven effective by me and my former piano teacher.
Now I leave you to enjoy music...

See-Saw - Senya Ichiya

This particular song is the tune of .hack//Liminality and it's played also in .hack//SIGN, before going through the eye of the Twilight. Needles to say, we recommend this song highly with my son.


★ Teach me to sew ★

Since I suck at it. Currently on my list  
And hopefully, will be someday able to do replicas out of.

★ Source ★